Oh the Holidays!

Ohhhh the holidays! Where time moves at WARPED speed and there never seems to be enough hours in the day. Add some crazy jetlag and a wicked cold and each day gets that much shorter. It gets harder to find the quiet time you need: Peaceful time with your Heavenly Father and slowing down to "smell the roses." It's easy for this season to be corrupted into something it was never meant to be. A time of closeness, love, joy, and thankfulness can easily be skewed into greed, discontentment, anger, and dissatisfaction. 

Think about it: This season is all about thanking God for sending his only Son, Jesus, to this earth to save us. What's even more fantastic is that God knew all along what he was doing when He sent His son as a baby born into poverty, laid in a mucky manger, and greeted by barn animals and shepards (who, in those days were crazy loners). He was wrapped in dirty clothes and was completely defenceless. Our glorious savior was placed in the most unlikely of situations so that no one could say, "God just couldn't understand what I'm going through." He knows. He lived it. That is the reason for the season: God so loved us that he gave us his only Son to be the savior of the whole world.

This is the kind of wonder I've been in constantly while in Thailand. Each child in the slums, each prostitute in the bar, each orphan, every human being there (and everywhere) is brilliantly and wonderfully loved by the great Creator of the universe.  There, it seems that the love is so much more tangible because so many have never felt real love before. As soon as you tell them how Jesus loves them, you can see it in their eyes that they have never known that kind of love and care.

I challenge everyone to try to imagine how tangible the Father's love is for His children this season. The same love is available and abundant all year round, but I challenge you to recognize it in THIS season where it's so easy to be distracted by basically everything else.

Here is the online Christmas service from my church (Overlake Christian Church). It's super short and talks a lot on what I have just discussed. Enjoy!


Home for Christmas from Overlake Christian Church on Vimeo.

Give Thanks Everyday! Especially for your Heart!

As some of you may remember, this past summer my dear friend's brother had sever heart failure and had only 10% function at one point in time. Most people don't live below 25% function, so the fact that he survived that time was purely by God's good Grace. He and his family have been through a roller-coaster of a year weighing out all the options ultimately leading to a heart transplant. Unfortunately, some things delayed him from being apart of the transplant list for a bit, but about two or three weeks ago, he got on!

Here is where it gets good: last night he and his family learned that there was a heart for him. A live and beating heart. Of course, we all know that this means that someone of similar build and age had to die for this to be possible. Its a bitter-sweet event.

The transplant went seamlessly last night and the heart began beating almost immediately in his chest. I'm sure someday he will contact the donor to thank the family for the sacrifice of their loved one so that he could live. It's the ultimate sacrifice. This makes me think about a lot of things. Where has this heart been? What has this heart accomplished? Has it loved? Did the previous owner have an appreciation for it beating in his chest like Cody and his family does?

Here is what I want to ask: how much do you appreciate your beating heart, breathing lungs, and thinking brain everyday? The fact that you have use of your hands, feet, arms, legs, and eyes is a blessing. How much do you thank God for your simple existence everyday? We are in a season of "WANT! WANT! WANT!" when it should be about giving to those in need.

I know Thanksgiving is over, but be sure to take some time to say thanks for the little things. Show the people you love you appreciate them. Thank God for every blessing because none of us DESERVE anything but death. God paved the way to life for us by bringing Jesus to earth as a little baby. Give thanks and praise for the good gifts that God loves to give.

I am so thankful these days :)  God is SOOO good!

Feeling SOOO Overwhelmingly Blessed!

I made I home safely to Seattle and was greeted warmly by my dear friend, Raquel (with a Starbucks Pumpkin Spiced latte in hand). One of our greatest friends (shout out to Andrea and Justin) is getting married TODAY so we went to see them on their last night as single people. As we were driving, I reflected on what a blessing it is that God made such a home for me here. For all intensive purposes, I have no family here and the reason I came in the first place four and a half years ago was because God said, "Go."

I moved here knowing no one. I didn't know where God was going to lead me and what the next steps were, but I felt immense peace about simply being here. I didn't know how to be alone and certainly didn't known how to be self-sufficient. I didn't know what God was preparing me for, but I knew I was on my way. When I think about it, moving from San Diego to Seattle was my first real act of complete obedience.

The first two years were a challenge, mainly because I tested my will over God's (trust me, I paid for it dearly). It took me two years before I found friends worth having. It was such a lonely time, but God knew what he was preparing me for, and it was good! This is precisely why that reflection back was so affirming. God has been so faithful to me!

God had made me a home here like nowhere else. It isn't home because I've always been here. It isn't home because I went to college here. It isn't home because I wanted to make it my home apart from God. It is my home because of the profoundly fantastic relationships that God has placed in my life. He has wooed me here with his lush greenery, majestic mountains, beautiful lakes, and a playground of His glorious creation. He has written a love-story here with every glorious mountain peak, quiet stream, peaceful green pasture, majestic creature, and sunset.

Really, it's funny that God has wooed me to this place because before this, I was a Southern California girl through and through. I didn't own close-toed shoes, always had a tan, surfed, skated, and I didn't own a rain coat. I didn't know what an ice scraper was, why someone would need chains for a car, how to dress in layers, or how to drive in the snow (the last part remains debatable). God is hysterical! He took me out of my element to make me into a woman after His own heart... the woman He created me to be.

Really, all of those things aren't what really make this place home for me. It's the wonderful blessing upon the relationships that I have here that are so breathtaking. I have a family here that is carefully crafted out of deep and meaningful relationships. Relationships that are sacrificial and satisfying at the same time. I have a spiritual support system that is so strong in the "most unchurched city in America." My friends think of me and pray for me often. Without these wonderful people, I wouldn't be able to financially be able to go to Thailand. I have a church that believes in living DANGEROUSLY for Christ, loving God, serving His people, and serving His creation with all our hearts and soul. I am SO blessed!

Friends, you have blessed me tremendously. You have been a significant part in God's love story to me, and that is such a beautiful thing. Thank you for loving me like you do. You help me be a better person. I love you with all my heart!

It feels good to be home :)

Calling ALL Men!

Hey MEN! Yes... you! I'm calling out to YOU! I am calling out to you to tell you that YOU were called to GREATNESS! You were designed to protect, provide, defend, and be strong.


One of the things that fascinates me the most about the sex industry is how contradictory it is to what really brings happiness, wholeness, and joy. The sex industry says, "Hey, sex is fun, it feels good, so why not do it? Who cares who you do it with? As long as it's consensual, no harm, no foul." It teaches you that looking at porn is harmless. It's just you in your room watching something on your computer...you know... doing your thing. Here comes the buzz kill: It does do harm and it won't bring your lasting joy.


I'm not even going to talk about this on the woman's (or supply's) side. I want to talk about the demand side: The men.


The men who come to Pattaya to take out a bar girl start to all look the same after a while. They all seem to be in the same latter years of their lives (between 50 and 80 years old). Many of them have been married before, have families, daughters, sons, even grand kids. They often walk around without a shirt on despite their giant pot-bellies and carpet on their chest. In my experience, they have been rude and ungentlemanly (not holding doors, getting up from their seat on the song teaw when an older woman gets on, not making apologies for knocking someone while walking, etc.). They are misfits. They are the kind of men who wouldn't get very far with any other self-respecting woman from their own country. They have been rejected, unloved, and emasculated by life's challenges. They are far from champions.


They come to Pattaya in search of one thing, but really it masquerades as something else. They come for sex, but what they really want is love, affirmation, something REAL. They will, of course, deny all of this saying that they want something easy and uncomplicated, but think about this: What kind of an ego blow is it to have to PAY for sex or a girlfriend? Talk about settling. These guys come to basically settle for something that has the facade of the "real thing" but is so far from it that they have to pay for it to continue.


Now, onto the porn. It's known that many of the women in armature pornographic images and videos are trafficked. They are moved around so fast that no one can tell if something is wrong or not. As spoken about in the video below... well... watch the video:



Jacob's Story from Unearthed on Vimeo.




Here is the point of this all: The demand is the biggest part of the problem. It's time to stop beating around the bush and take some responsibility. Every time you brush off this responsibility, you become less of a man. My blog. My opinion. Man up!! Do something about this. Stop the demand!

I have more to say on this subject so: TO BE CONTINUED...

Breaking the Silence

I am SO sorry for not posting for one month. Everything is good and it's been COMPLETELY eventful. Here is a summary of what has happened:

• My team from Seattle came to give a training in Khorat and in Pattaya
• More of my team came from Seattle to do outreach on the streets of Pattaya for two weeks.
• Many were brought out of the bars and shown the love of Jesus
• Many left the bars permanently and either came into our safe house or were sent home.
• Pattaya Praise happened with an emphasis on the slums of Pattaya
• People were healed and came to Jesus
• Awesome worship teams from Ireland, Australia, and Thailand came to perform.
• Some important steps were made in the business development
• The microfinance project is fit to launch soon

I've been exhausted by nonstop weeks with my team, the excitement of Pattaya Praise, and rounding out some rough edges before I leave this Friday. I'll be coming home for a month during the holidays. Things are good! I'm sorry I haven't been more communicative, but this is what paid the price when going at a break-neck pace.

In short, It's been a good month but MAN am I ready to be home!

Pattaya from a Christian Man's Initial Perspective

This past week, I had the pleasure of meeting Josh Davis who is on a fact-finding mission in South East Asia in search of organizations and individuals making a difference to those who are trafficked and abused. He is an Australian who will shortly return home and tell his community about his findings. He also has a blog and wrote a special blog specifically about his time in Pattaya. I would like to share what he wrote on his blog (http://joshtbk.wordpress.com) about this city that has captured my heart.

Here is what he wrote:

Pattaya – sorry it’s a bit long.. I get passionate. (not really that sorry)


Entering the city of Pattaya, I knew I was heading to a dark part of Thailand. (if any if you have seen Furious Love’, you may be familiar with it.


Notorious for being both the sex tourism capital but also the pedophile central of the globe.


You can smell the darkness in the atmosphere. It’s disgusting.


My bus driver on the way, was wearing a shirt that said,


“Good men go to Heaven;


Bad men go to Pattaya!”


When I asked him about the sex trade in Pattaya he smiled and said, “Pattaya is not a city with a red light district, Pattaya is a red light district with a city”


Neon lights flood this city. “Live sex shows” “50 beautiful girls and 2 ugly ones” “horny girls” “men’s fantasy lounge” “no rules bar” “devils playground” and at the start of walking street is a big red neon picture of the devils face saying “Lucifers world”

You cannot walk down the road after dusk without different propositions less then every 30seconds. Blinded by the neon lights that attempt to entice you in like a mosquito to a bug zapper.

Open wall bars and clubs where you can see the girls lined up, ready to choose from the menu.

Often when there is nobody to watch the children at night, they will follow mummy into the bars, follow her when she has to see clients and work.. This gets me furious. Having a child vulnerable and exposed to such things at a young age.

In fact, one bar I was walking past had a young girl, possibly 6-9yrs of age, pretending to dance on the pole with all the ladies laughing her on in encouragement. That’s ridiculous!


As the bus drivers said to me on the drive in, Pattaya is the devils playground. And after seeing walking street, I agree with him.


It is by far the most disturbing thing I have ever seen. Bars, strip clubs, nightclubs lining the streets with thousands upon thousands of girl, boys and of coarse an abundance of ladyboys ready for sale like a commodity.


I had been told that the Russian mob had a heavy hand on the sex trade in Pattaya, but I was quite shocked to see thousands of European girls, beautiful girls, listening to their accents, I recognized Serbian, Polish, German and Russian amongst the rest. You cannot argue that any of these girls ‘voluntarily’ entered the sex trade in Pattaya, Thailand. They were trafficked, and judging by the fact that there were many Russian thugs keeping watch from the front of the bars, I believe they are either kidnapped or held at ransom.


Walking down that street was…something else.. I’ve never seen such darkness in one place as I did there. With each step, I felt more and more heaviness laying on my chest. At points, it is even hard for me to physically breathe, you can smell it.. I felt physically sick.


And the men, they are the type of guy, that at a bar, no girl would want to look at them, yet alone sleep with them. So they come to Pattaya, a place where they can live like kings and bring to life their wildest fantasies. And these men, they come from all over the world, and flood to Pattaya.


It is hard to not look at them and want to act out some of that righteous anger. To confront them and give them a good old fashion smack-in-the-head until they get that it is wrong, but as I look at them, and look into their eyes, I’m starting to see, that they are broken people too.


Maybe they were never loved before, never validated as a man, possibly abused themselves, whatever it is, something has happened in their lives for them to get to the point of paying all this money to get on a plane, fly across the globe and come to Pattaya just so they can find a warped version of what they believe love to be. They are the prodigal son spoken about by in the parable. They too need love.


As horrible as most of Pattaya is, there is good there as well. I met with a few groups who are doing remarkable things in the fight against trafficking. A couple of groups who focus on the business factor, training up girls who want to leave the trade, help them write a business proposal and guide and mentor them as they commence setting UL a business.

I also met with a group who work with the children. Teir drop in centre is right in the middle of the area notorious for pedophilia. This group. Currently in the middle of construction to build this drop in centre, is to be the light in darkness. And as all of us know, when your in a dark room and light a match, however big or small that match may be, it will brighten the room. And the darkness is no more. That's what these guys are doing.


When I look out over Pattaya, I am reminded of Ezikiels prophesy in chapter 37. In the JTSV (Josh’s Translated Summary Version)


Ezekiel looked out over the valley and he saw a place full of death. He saw bones, no life was to be found. As he stood there watching, his Master commanded him to prophesy to the land, and to the bones and to call it to life, Ezekiel did and the bones started to form together, muscles and skin began to grow, Ezekiel prophesied breath and as he did, they came alive and stood before him as a mighty army.


As I look out over Pattaya, I see the same.. Death, no life in these people. But I speak life into them, life into the city of Pattaya and country of Thailand. A nation whom is called to be the ‘Land of Smiles’ and I speak out that the day will come when these people can smile as they will be free. I speak against the death in Pattaya and I bind it’s power and authority and I loosen the chains upon it’s people. I prophesy the breath of life!


On a lighter note, looking forward to home. Heading up north for a few days then home by Sunday. Keep me in your prayers as its said that the floods are quite bad up there, also I’ve been having trouble sleeping at night. Not cool..


Cannot wait to see you all. Keep Thailand in your prays as the floods are quite bad. 350+ lost their lives in the floods, millions upon millions of dollars damage in a nation already ridden with poverty. There have been several thousand crocodiles escape from the farms and are roaming the cities. So pray for protection to these people, that food and water will be available and that the people will turn to God for their help.

JD

Did those fish have their faces still?

When we hear the story of feeding the 5k with fish and loafs, I would be wiling to bet that the American reader imagines artisan bread and cleanly prepared fish without skin, bone, and certainly no face. Oh and the fish is probably cooked. Here in Thailand, I'm constantly confronted with the fact that many of the fish, chicken, pork, beef, duck that is prepared to eat has a face, feet, and skin.

This fact has even challenged my perception of this story. I realize that the bread was, well, bread... and the fish were probably handed out as cold, slippery, fully intact fish. Perhaps it was each persons responsibility to gut, clean, and cook their fish. Or maybe that was done by each family unit. Either-way, I keep thinking if someone were to hand me a cold, barley alive fish (for freshness's sake), I wouldn't know the first thing to do with it. Maybe cut off the head first to put the poor thing out of it's misery... Then I would probably become sad because I killed it. Let's be honest, I'd probably be pretty sad.

I'm constantly reminded of how white-washed, sterilized, prepared, preserved, and unreal my upbringing was. It was normal by American standards (at least in the urban west), but so far away from the way our ancestors and many other nations live(d). This makes me really reconsider how affective Americans/westerners are as missionaries. The bridge between how we used to live and how we must live to survive in a foreign place is much larger. Many Americans only know English (maybe a little bit of Spanish, French or German... but probably aren't fluent). How can we make good missionaries? I know that there are many Americans who have been able to bridge that gap, and each day I'm here I can see myself crossing that bridge... it's just takes more time. I wonder if there is a specific recipe that a person must embody to be a good missionary. Please understand that I'm even doubtful that I personally embody these characteristics... I just think it would be ideal to have the following:


- extremely flexible


- able to sleep on the floor, possibly in extreme heat


- not be bothered by food items that are of unknown origin or still has a recognizable face/body


- ability to pick up language quickly


- not be concerned with knowing every little detail of a conversation or event.

Maybe those are important and maybe there are other characteristics I've missed. Maybe the only thing that is important, all other characteristics aside, is that God called an American to a foreign nation. The only thing we have to do is follow His call and know that He will work out all the details. We don't make it happen, we just follow Him. I have followed Him here and I know He will bless me and those around me for my obedience. I've already seen His blessings in actions. Either way, I still have a really hard time eating things with their faces, feet, and skin still on. Maybe God will work on that with me. In the time being, I'll stick to fruit, veggies, eggs, and rice. :)

** Story of the feeding of 5k people can be found in Matthew 14:13-21, Mark 6:31-44, Luke 9:10-17 and John 6:5-15**

How can computer geeks be sexy? Take down child porn sites & leak names!!!!

Step #1: Read this article.

Step #2: Read my raw reaction:

This hits me on so many levels. I love this. I love these men. Woah, control yourself, Collyn! Phew! Okay, so as you may or may not know, the future of human trafficking lies in the nooks and crannies of the Internet. These criminals are somehow smart and know how to use technology to harm the most precious and vulnerable: Children. Bottom line is that it pisses me off that they get away with it. It makes me mad that there is a demand for this filth. That's why we need our virtual white knights to come and save the day. *HIGH-FIVE*

I couldn't even reading through article (the technical parts) without getting a little lost. I'm not by any means a computer wiz, but I know my way around and can figure out how to do most intermediate tasks. I am not, however, able to hack anything other than a coconut (to get it's delicious water and meat... bad joke). I can't do those things, but I'm SO GLAD that there are people out there who know how to get it done. I applaud anyone who uses their skills, whether it be crazy computer skills or they know how to connect the right people, to do their part to end human trafficking. It's your job to speak out and SPEAK UP for the least and the lost. Yeah! I love these guys! I'd like to high-five them or hug them or something! WOO HOO!!!

**I wrote this very late at night, so please excuse the poor writing. Thank you :)

Help Save Lives Via change.org

Everyone knows I like a good petition or protest, but I don't do it just for the heck of it. I do it because I believe in making a real and lasting difference in the world. I believe in not standing by while innocent children and women are mistreated, malnourished, abused, and looked down upon. Many people don't want to hear about the sad ills of the world, but just because you don't want to listen, doesn't mean it's not there. It's there and YOU have the power to do something about it.


My wonderful friends Phil and Dalene Hamer wrote a petition on change.org: petition the adhesive industry to add nasal irritant to glue to stop kids from inhaling their products. Phil Hamer was large part of the creation of the documentary Glue Boys which highlights the issue. The issue is very close to home as the Hamers have adopted two boys from Kenya who were formally street kids. They believe in a better tomorrow for all children, even the children society casts aside. I believe with them in their dream for a better tomorrow.


Please take a few seconds out of your day to sign this petition. There aren't any hidden catches, other than it pretty much makes you a better person. Please take a second out of your day to step outside of your comfortable situation to think about all the children out there who are huffing glue to escape their painful situation.

How He Loves Us

Since being here, I've been reminded so many times that there is a tidal wave of Grace and Love available to each person here on this earth. You don't see genuine forms of love out on the streets of Pattaya too often, but it's there. Most of the "love" you see is predatory and aggressive entitlement to what some of these men think is theirs... but it's not theirs and it's not love.

One of the songs that has been marinading in my heart is "How He Loves Us" by the David Crowder Band. I randomly came across this video and was very impacted by it's message. Please take a look:

Convicted Felon or Kidnapped Victim?

Here in Thailand, there is one TV channel in English that is even mildly entertaining. This channel is the "Universal Channel" and it is perpetually playing "Law and Order" episodes as well as other doctor/hospital shows. What I have found endlessly interesting is a particular episode of "Law and Order" named "Hot Pursuit" which aired November 8th, 1995. The episode is centered around the main character, Amanda Peet, who was kidnapped six months earlier, raped, held captive, and forced to do everything her captor told her to do. Unfortunately, that involved the robbing of two stores and the murdering of 4 people. What I find so interesting about this episode is how the legal system (on the show) treated Peet. Instead of looking at Peet as the victim suffering from extreme trauma and Stockholm Syndrom, among other issues, she was looked at as a criminal.

The prosecuting attorney asked questions like, "Why didn't you run away when you were alone?" and "Were you intimate with your alleged abductor?" They questioned her for seeming to be affectionate with her abductor when out together. What they didn't understand is that when someone is held by fear, they can be coerced to do pretty much anything. Much like what the LRA does when abducting child soldiers. They make an example out of a few, making brothers maim and murder their family, killing a few, raping the girls, so that the rest will follow the leader's directions.  Can the children taken by the LRA REALLY be held accountable for the horrific acts their leaders tell them? Just the same, could a girl kidnapped, raped, and terrified be held accountable for her actions while her abductor has a loaded gun to her back?

In the episode, she was convicted for the four murders to the fullest extent. I know this is only tv, but I find this interesting because I'm sure there are so many cases that have been tried like this one and outcome was just the same. I guess this is my point: I hope that there is a huge mindset shift in the future. I hope that those who are kidnapped, trafficked, victimized, and marginalized are heard in the future. I hope that they are heard today. I hope for compassion to help law enforcement understand that there is little to no choice when someone is kidnapped.

I'm not an expert on this subject, but I do know what I have observed in my journey of becoming a modern-day abolitionist. These are only my opinions and observations.  

The Brainwashing Begins

Technically, I’m staying in a village in Khorat. The house I’m staying in is far nicer and more stylish than other houses (see previous post). During a relaxing morning, Poo and I took a stroll around the village. She was able to tell me that this village seemed a lot better than other villages, particularly her village. People seem happy, there are many brick houses, and people are friendly with each other. Of course, I’m thinking to myself, “How do people live like this?” but they do and they are happy. Unfortunately, the love of money and material goods has swept even this village.


As we were walking around we saw this group of women sitting under an overhang. Since I stick out like a sore thumb, the group of women asked Poo why I was here and where I was from. I don’t know when was the last time they saw some white girl just strolling around their village. They had a 3 month old baby (so stinking cute with her big cheeks) to whom I gave may complements and coos.

After I complemented their baby, the apparent mother looked at the baby and said, “Don’t you want a foreign boyfriend? You want a foreign boyfriend, don’t you.” If I had not had someone interpreting, I would have thought she was cooing to her baby as I was. Instead, the brainwashing begins. Never would I look at my little baby girl (if/when I have children) and say, “ohh don’t you want a rich boyfriend! You want a rich boyfriend someday, don’t you!” That’s basically what they are saying. They aren’t even brainwashing her to want a HUSBAND. Someone who will be committed to providing and protecting them. Someone they can count on in sickness and in health. No. They are being brainwashed to want a boyfriend. Someone who may or may not stick around, be faithful, or honest.


When I was a young child, I was rarely, if ever, told by my parents that I was “pretty”. They always told me how smart I was, how kind I am, or even how talented I am. I don’t ever remember hearing from my parents telling me that I had to get married or even have a boyfriend. I do, however, remember my parents telling me that I can do anything if I put my mind to it. They told me that with an education, drive, and a dream, I could do ANYTHING. No boyfriend. No husband. No one else is holding me back from my success. This, I understand, is a very “American” mindset, but I believe this is a big part of who I am today. Don’t get me wrong, when my partner comes along (whoever he is), I’ll be thrilled, but until then I am okay. Being content in singleness is a gift. These girls who are brainwashed that they need a man to take care of them are robbed of fully understanding that gift. It’s wonderful to understand that you can go out and pursue God’s plan for your life without having to consider anyone else, not have your heart elsewhere, and being able to be fully present in your current location.


What do you all think? Would you tell your little one that someday, a foreigner white knight will come and sweep them off their feet? Maybe I’m just too idealistic…

Where I stayed in Khorat

While in Khorat, we were hosted by a cute little family who is friends of our ministry. It wasn’t what I expected, but it gave me a more accurate picture of what it might be like to live as a normal Thai person. Of course, this place is a lot nicer than what the rest of the village has, but it was still a shock to me. It is out in the village of Khorat and has a beautiful two story living area. I think they just had built it and weren’t quite finished, but it’s really cute. Most Thai people sleep on the ground with only a blanket, fan, and mosquito net.

This was a new experience to me. I see how simply someone can live and be happy. Do we really need beds, dressers, even an indoor kitchen? I’m not sure anymore. The way western houses are is so far removed from how these people live. I supposed that if it were to be a colder climate, having an outdoor kitchen and living room would be a bit of a challenge, but here, it totally works! I can tell that they have put so much work into making this place beautiful. It has polished natural wood for decoration, beautiful windows, and a nice deck. It works!

This is however, yet another example of how I don’t really make the ideal missionary. While sleeping on the ground would work for the majority of the people health-wise, I spent the whole night coughing and hacking for whatever reason… I won’t ever be sure. My asthma and other health issues limit me quite a bit, and I’m still considered to be very healthy! By the GRACE of God, my stomach has been happy and I’ve even started eating out of food carts on the street. Let’s face it, it’s fresh, tasty, and much cheaper than other food places. If I can get my body used to eating that, I’m golden to live a lot cheaper.

The One Month Mark

I have been in Pattaya for one month. Four weeks ago, I got of the plane in Bangkok after over 24 hours of travel. I had just moved out of my apartment, distributed my things, said goodbye to my family and friends, and left the love of my life: My puppy dog Raleigh. I knew that I was supposed to come and that it was a giant leap of faith to get on that plane in Seattle. It didn't make it any less shocking, though. I've stepped foot into the Bangkok airport many times before, but this was my first time being completely alone (and with too many bags). There I was, about to step into this new adventure complete with it's ups and downs.

As expected, I've experienced a wide range of emotions since being here. I've been overwhelmed with excitement, homesick, sad, happy, doubtful, and proud. I have really good days and I have really bad days. There are days where I feel like I am right where I'm supposed to be and other days where I feel like it's impossible to get anything right. I am a loud woman with a huge personality, so that must often be suppressed in this very polite and quite country. Pattaya, however, offers a lot of grace due to the enormous volume of "farangs" (foreigners) here who are, well, even less aware than I am. The good news is that the food here is fantastic and fairly inexpensive. There is always that to count on.

It is often uncomfortably warm and I'm constantly reminded that I am a foreigner and will never be a native. This is difficult for me, because even in America, I feel like a foreigner. I never really feel like I fit into a particular geographical culture. I am German by blood, Californian by upbringing, Mexican by proximity (and food), Italian by extended family, Seattleite by the Lord's calling, and most importantly daddy's little girl to the God who created the universe. Where do I belong? The feeling of being the black sheep or even the ugly duckling comes up sometimes, but I remind myself that when you are following God's call, you shouldn't fit in with "the world".  Also, a wise woman once told me; "When you're dead you should stink. You're either dead to the world and alive in Christ or dead in spirit and alive in the world. Nowhere in the middle, but either way you will stink."  I guess this is all about my journey of learning my way as this "foreigner of the world". I used to think of myself as a citizen of the world (due to my trans-global travels), but since being here, I feel more like a foreigner than a citizen. Or maybe I'll feel this way until one day I find my place: my citio. I don't know, but I'll probably know if I get there. Until that happens, I'll be enjoying the ride. :)

One month down, unknown amount of months to go :)

Starting to feel like home :)

I've only been here for three weeks, but this foreign place is finally starting to feel like home. I'm beginning to understand some of the language, know most of the main streets, I'm not always sweating like a beast, and my schedule is starting to be consistent. I'm super blessed because there is a handful of American missionaries here doing similar work, so there is a bit of community here for me too. It's just starting to feel nice to be comfortable here.

There is a ministry here working with the people living in the slums. It's pretty cool how open everyone is to a group of Christians coming in and loving on them. I just can't imagine going into "the hood" in the US with gifts, ministering to the poor of America and it going well. I know there are ministries that do that sort of thing, but it just seems it wouldn't be easy and it takes quite a bit of safety precautions. I'm sure there are precautions and relationships were cultivated to make this ministry happen, but I'm just overwhelmed with how open Thai people are to help, Jesus, and unadulterated love from another. It's refreshing. At home, Bible studies are getting broken up because of HOA and city "regulations" defining it to be a church (never mind the Bill of Rights and that our country was founded by Jesus loving Christians subtracting one), people protest crucifixes in public cemeteries that have been there for decades, and "under God" is being taken out of the pledge of allegiance. It's just refreshing to be in a society where we are accepted.

I sometimes feel like the only religion it's okay to attack is Christianity. Mention the name of Jesus or break out your Bible in the wrong place in the "Land of the Free" and someone might get offended. It's becoming clearer to me that Jesus is probably offensive to the ones who need Him most. A lot of these Thai girls know they are looking for a savior and are pleasantly surprised to find that He is with them; always has and always will be regardless if they believe or not. It's a relief when they hear they are open to have a deep and meaningful relationship with the savior of mankind and He will never disappoint them. To the many who have had absent and abusive fathers (or father figures), it's wonderful news that the God of the universe wants them to call him their Daddy so He can love on them like His little princess. It's the only way I see to be whole.

I'm so happy to be here and to be able to grow like I am. I'm even more thankful that when we were not lovely, God made us lovely.

Blessings by Short-Term Teams

I'm so happy and excited to welcome our first short-term mission team here in Pattaya. It's my first time showing the city around (to the best of my knowledge) and seeing it through brand-new eyes. I remember the first time I came here and how much emotion filled me as I watched injustice happen at almost every street corner. It's refreshing to see their reactions and also affirming that there is still so much work to be done here.

I'm exhausted from a full day around the city but I feel compelled to express the wonderful blessing that short-term teams can bring. They get the rare opportunity to serve the servant and affirm their journey. It's such a blessing to be around such supportive people. It lifts me up!

One of the things that I love most about short-term teams is that they are only here for a little while, but the memory of what goes on here is burned into their hearts forever. Once they see the state of the city, they will pray for God's Kingdom to come, on earth as it is in Heaven. They will pray for the servants and pray for divine appointments that will turn the city and it's people around. That is one more person who is praying for God to majorly claim the ground as His.

This last three weeks has been a roller coaster, but I feel so privileged to ride it because I know this is what the Lord has for me. It's a beautiful thing to see God's beautiful creation painted in front of you and you get the opportunity to connect the dots. What an HONOR! :)

The Best is Yet to Come

"Look at the nations and watch - and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not even believe even if you were told." Habakkuk 1:5

The world is such a mess right now. Children orphaned by the largest pandemic to strike die from dirty water and malnutrition on one side of the world while the other is too caught up with "Keeping up with the Kardashians" to even notice. Even in the same western city, one family can have more than they could ever ask for while another struggles to even have food on the table once a day... if they even have a table. People are more concerned with the fluctuating stock market than a civil war that is forcing young children to be soldiers. The things that matter most aren't the issues making the daily headlines. Violence fills the streets, deception is in the darkness, and justice never seems to prevail. There is still hope in these dark places though. I believe in fighting for that beauty and loving those people who are hurt and destroyed back to life. It's becoming even more obvious as I'm here that Jesus really is the only answer to each of these problems. In the book of Habakkuk, this "minor" profit is complaining about the state of the world. Interestingly enough, the kind of world he is describing sounds awfully familiar and God's answer remains true today. He will perform works that we can not even imagine. All we are asked to do is be obedient to His will.

Before I left Seattle, I heard a beautiful quote:

"Where your talent and the world's need meet, there is your calling."

We are all asked to participate in His work. God could swoop down and make everything that is wrong right again, but he allows us to be apart of his work. He wants our participation. All it takes is our obedience.

DELIVERANCE!!!!!

Today was full of Divine appointments. All OVER the place today, the Lord pasted each person together to be used for His Glory. Let me tell you how...


This morning, I was feeling so homesick and to be honest, marinating in a little bit of self-pity because I was disappointed I couldn't be stronger. I was feeling a little emotional and tender, but I got ready for my day after a pretty sleepless night. Each night has been worse and worse where I wake up scared. I'm never sure what I'm scared of or why I'm feeling scared, but my nights here are restless most of the time. This is abnormal for me. Usually, I fall asleep in less than one minute from my head hitting the pillow and I stay asleep all night long.... like a baby... and that's an awesome norm. Anyway, I wasn't feeling great as I left my apartment to go get some work done at the Tamar center. I love going there because the girls working are so kind and helpful.


Once I got off the Song Teaw (the main mode of transportation which is basically a truck with two benches and a roof covering) and started to walk toward Tamar, I felt like the day was going to turn around. I got in, ordered my coffee and began my work when God's Divine appointment walked through the door. I had met this amazing couple earlier this past November when me and my team were delivering our first pilot training program. They had just moved to Thailand to do radical healing and deliverance. I began to talk to them and ask them about their time here. I realized I've never really understood what "deliverance" is. As they began to tell me about what happens (hissing, pointy snake tongues, crazy eyes, screaming, etc.) we heard this GIANT scream from in the back of the Tamar center. The couple said that it is either someone goofing around or someone who needed deliverance. We went about our conversation when the co-founder of Tamar came out to ask if they knew anything about deliverance. Sure enough, we were able to go see the woman and I was able to witness my first deliverance. It was pretty darn wild because exactly what they had just been telling me happened, complete with pointy tongues. If anyone has any doubt that demonic presence is real, they should witness a deliverance. About 4 and a half hours later, she was like a different person completely. There is a REAL battle between good and evil and the award is your soul. That's so crazy!

Anyway, That was one giant Divine appointment. The rest of the day, we went to eat together and go to a worship time together. It was a good day. Thank GOD for His Divine appointments. It's days like these that make me feel like this is exactly where I need to be. Praise the Lord!

Homsick round #1

I knew this time would come. When all I want to do is dive bomb my fluffy couch that is so comfortable, cover myself up in a million blankets, and drink the tap water. When I want my adorable puppydog to come and cuddle me with his giant face (80lbs/36.4k) while I watch Hulu on my computer. This place isn't home yet, but I know it will be someday soon. I know these things aren't possible right now, but it's because so many things ARE possible with my being here. I'm homesick now, but that's not permanent. I'm here to do what God has created me to do. I'm here to come alongside my Thai team members and encourage people to think about things differently. They are giving back to me the same encouragement I'm able to give to them. It's so mutually beneficial. I'm here to help change lives an bring hope where there isn't any.

The longer I'm here, the more I see that the present place of Pattaya, Thailand is where dreams come to die. Men don't come here because they have hope in their hearts. They come here when they have no hope and are willing to settle for paying for a Thai "girlfriend". They aren't full people. They are, for the most part, broken souls who have been rejected time and time again. The girls come here to work in a bar because there IS NO OTHER option in their mind. No hope. No place to go to be full.

I'm here to help them see that this is not the case. This place can be a place of hope, rebirth, rejuvenation, and joy. We are in the building stage. We are working with God to rebuild this city and paint the walls with hope.

One of the girls in the safe house told me yesterday that she has two children. I had NO idea she had two babies. She told me how she misses them and how they are being raised by her mother. I felt so foolish to be talking about how I miss my dog (my love of my life outside of my Jesus) when she has two BABIES that she misses. I know when I'll get to see my dog again and squish his giant, lovable, face. she doesn't know when she will get to be a family again with her babies. I can't imagine how hard that is.... I don't have any children (or someone to have children with), but if I did, I could only imagine that I would love them that much more than I love my wonderful puppydog. Sure, I'd still love him to pieces, but I imagine the love for your babies is something so special. How much hurt she must have in her heart for not being able to hold them in her arms everyday and speak truth and goodness into their lives when they are feeling down. I hurt for her. I hope someday soon she can be with her babies and they can all be a family again soon. It definitely puts perspective on my homesickness.

I need your support!

I have a request for those who care about me and my mission here in Thailand. I have not met my fundraising goals like I was expecting and I'm a few hundred off from what I need per month. If you would like to be a part of my mission, please click here for repeating monthly support and select account 187.  If you would like to make a one time donation, please click here. This information is also located to the right of your screen if on my blog.

The work I'm doing here will impact so many.  Through language training, microfinance, business development, and leadership training, my everyday life is being actively used to help the people here in Thailand.  I am loving what I'm able to do here... it's really my dream job. I do need your help, however, to keep this a reality. I hope you'll consider supporting me. Thank you!

My first day in Thailand

I arrived in Bangkok yesterday around 1:30pm, retrieved my bags, and headed my new home. Some things didn't work out like I was expecting, but I got a cab from Bangkok to Pattaya and arrived at my new apartment. This was just another reminder of how important it is to stay flexible. It's all in God's hands.

So now I'm on the mission to make this apartment a home... Apartments here are very different from apartments in the US. The one has come fully furnished, complete with a rock-hard mattress. Please pray that I'm able to make my new place my safe and pleasant home. I don't know how comfortable I should be able to make this place... It's just different. I guess I'll get used to it.

Oh here is a wonderful gem that demonstrates how shameless the men are here. So the whole front of the entrance of my apartment complex is glass... like see through. Well, there was a guy on the computer who was watching hard core porn with the monitor facing outward... toward the rest of the world. That's what I came home to last night. Pleasant haha! There is such a need for a demand based ministry here targeting the men who are buying these girls. We need some strong men of God who can help show these men how these addictions are hurting them more than they think.

Anyway, I'm off for my first day here. I'll be getting my cellphone figured out so if anyone wants to contact me, they can via skype.

Leaving on a Jet Plane...

After a hectic and stressful two months, I am sitting in SeaTac airport waiting to board the flight that will take me straight across the world to Taipei. After quitting my job, moving out of my apartment, temporarily rehoming my wonderful puppy, and packing to move to Thailand for a year... I find myself starting to see what I've sacrificed to follow God's call. I've been so blessed to have such supportive family and friends to carry me through the tough times and show me how to receive. Thank you to everyone who has supported me. I'm not able to do any of this on my own... Through God and my community, I'll continue to be carried. Much love!

Free at Last!!

Today was my last day working at Costco Corporate and it was so bittersweet. I realized what a comfort that job gave me (however challenging it was) and what I'm truly giving up... and it's quit a bit. It isn't, however, enough to keep me here. I feel so much that I have a greater calling to make a lasting impression on the lives of those who've been forgotten and tossed away. So, I got all of my doctor and dentist appointments taken care of and refilled all my prescriptions. I'm taking the risk, stepping out in faith, and hoping that I'll be okay.

Now, there is no turning back.

I have my ticket, my visa, and I'm packing my bags. I'm so ready for this next adventure. There is so much peace in my heart that this is what I must do... and I'm so honored to be apart of this movement. For those of you who have been walking along side of me through this journey, Thank you! Your support means so much to me!

I Found my new Theme Song

Thanks to a great friend of mine, I found my new theme song for this season of my life. I've felt for a LONG time that I'm bigger than what my experience, size, gender, talent gives me credit for. I believe that I, along with every other person here on this earth, was born to do something great for this world. We weren't born to be complacent, lazy, and self-centered. We were born to give our lives for another and care so much for a cause that you're willing to die for it. That's what passion is anyway.

I Was Here - Lady Antebellum

You will notice me

I'll be leaving my mark like initials carved

In an old oak tree, you wait and see

Maybe I'll write like Twain wrote

Maybe I'll paint like Van Gogh

Cure the common cold, I don't know

But I'm ready start 'cause I know in my heart

I wanna do something that matters, say something different

Something that sets the whole world on its ear

I wanna do something better with the time I've been given

I wanna try to touch a few hearts in this life

Leave nothing less than something that says ? I was here?

I will prove you wrong

If you think I'm all talk, you're in for a shock

'Cause this dream's too strong and before too long

Maybe I'll compose symphonies

Maybe I'll fight for world peace

'Cause I know it's my destiny

To leave more than a trace of myself in this place!

I wanna do something that matters, say something different

Something that sets the whole world on its ear

I wanna do something better with the time I've been given

I wanna try to touch a few hearts in this life

And leave nothing less than something that says, I was here

And I know that I, I will do more than just pass through this life

I'll leave nothing less than something that says:I was here

I was here

My Next Adventure

A year ago I stepped out in faith to follow God’s call to visit Pattaya, Thailand on a short-term mission. As I began this journey I did not know what would be ahead of me, what I would experience or how I would process it all. Since my first step of faith, God has continued to lead me on a wonderfully CRAZY journey. I have been led in exploring my talents, gifts, passions and most importantly received a glimpse of His plan for my life. I helped create a business plan, curriculum, fundraising plans and awareness campaigns as we gave birth to the Business Hope Centers. Working on this project has been a second job for me this past year. This project is teaching me so much about what I’m capable of and more importantly awakened a passion in my heart! I experience our Lord growing me to be the woman He created me to be.

Currently I have been given an opportunity to move to Thailand and be an essential part of building multiple Business Hope Centers all over the country. The core of my work will be launching the microfinance program and building relationships with Thai business partners. I will be consulting entrepreneurs with their business ideas for providing healthy life-giving jobs and aiding in their implementation. Weekly, I will be teaching business classes, networking with both the Christian and business communities. I’m excited to be part of the team helping launch additional training centers in Thailand. This is a highly entrepreneurial opportunity that I am THRILLED to step into. I feel blessed by this opportunity for an impactful role in making a difference in the lives of so many who are marginalized.

My current plan is to leave September 2011 for six months to one year. I will be helping get the microfinance project off the ground, assisting the country director in seminars training and the objective of opening other projected center in Thailand, as well as preparing the center to run sustainably in a three year timespan. I will have spiritual and monetary needs beginning now and until I return. I am currently working to raise financial support for living expenses, ministry and emergency funds. Currently my estimated cost per month is $800 not including airfare. I would like to invite you to join me in this journey by committing to donating $25-50 per month for one year. I will write frequent blog posts and Facebook updates in regards to my work and how God is moving through this project.

You can make donations online on our website at GlobalBreakthrough.net/donations. The PaySimple option gives you the opportunity to select my account #187. If you use Paypal I ask that you type in my account #187 on the “review your donation” page under “Specify any additional details.” If you prefer, Global Breakthrough will gladly receive your financial support at the address below. Please write my account number on the envelope. For tax deductable purposes, do not write my name on the check. If your company has a matching program our EIN is 91-1470478. Global Breakthrough is a 501(c)3. Along with the receipt for your tax-deductable gift, Global Breakthrough will mail a response envelope back to you.

As much as financial support is a necessity, being covered in prayer is more important. The work I will be doing easily leads the human heart susceptible to all sorts of challenges. I’ll need people committed to prayer for my protection and perseverance. My work will not be easy and the encouragement from my loved ones will be incredibly valuable. This is a definitive step in faith for me. I hope you decide to join me in this journey of faith and adventure. Thank you for your time and support! God bless!

Nuclear Crisis Heralds the Human Spirit

I'm sure everyone is aware of the nuclear crisis in Japan that is a result of a major 8.9 earthquake, it's many aftershocks, as well Tsunamis. What I want to point out is how in this time of disaster, the true human spirit arises. Below is a "Today Show" clip on the subject of the nuclear reactors that are leaking radiation. Although I think the opening music is horribly inappropriate (even though it's just the "Today Show" music), this clip seems to be a good look at the current situation. I want to display my respect and gratitude to the 50 people who remain in the power plant trying to contain the problem at their personal risk. They probably have lives and families outside that plant but understand how important it is to fix the issue so that the rest of the world doesn't suffer anymore. It's that sacrifice that I think is the most beautiful part of this story. With the birth of disaster comes heros to save the day. Those 50 people are willing to sacrifice themselves for the greater population of Japan (and the rest of the world depending on how bad this gets). That's pretty amazing! I hope they get the recognition they deserve, whatever the outcome. They are giving the ULTIMATE sacrifice for the greater good.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Praying for you, Japan!!!!

Hey Japan!

I don't know how this works, but I see that people from Japan look at my blog and I would like to take this opportunity to talk to you directly.

I am so deeply sorry about the many disasters that have affected your country over the past few days. It's horrific what you have had to endure and I want you to know that I am praying for you constatly. It is hard for me to live my daily life that isn't ruined by disaster knowing that there are so many lost, stranded, suffering, hurt, confused, and seemingly forsaken. Keep heart that I'm thinking of you constantly and praying for you even more. What's more powerful is that the God who created the earth, put air in your lungs, and the beat in your heart loves you so dearly. I know it probably doesn't make any sense, but at least consider it. There is no where you can be that can excape the reach of God and He longs for you to cry out to Him.

In this time of sensless disaster, I find comfort in Romans 8:28.
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

I'm praying for you and love you so much. It breaks my heart to see a country in such dispair. My love goes out to you.

God is LOVE!

Just to put a little smile on your face :) I believe this 110%!!! God is GOOD :)

Modern-Day Slavery: Thailand Update

Are you wondering what Pattaya really looks like? It's hard to picture thousands of girls living in sexual servitude, and to be honest, a video doesn't do it much justice either... but it's a start. Please see what most of my time goes toward and what I'm most passionate about.


Modern Day Slavery in Thailand from Global Breakthrough on Vimeo.

The First Amendment

First of all, I've severely neglected my blog over the past few months. I've been working my butt off between my day job and working on Thailand stuff, taking a class, and had a few personal disasters. I'll write another post later giving an update on Thailand, but for the time being, I want to pass along the latest SNL Weekend Update.




This past week, the Supreme Court ruled that the Westboro Baptist Church funeral protests are protected by the First Amendment. Although this is DISGUSTING and DISGRACEFUL and has NOTHING to do with God's Will (or anything remotely close to God) and these soldiers they are protesting were participating in their RIGHT to protest, it's all legal. I dislike that it's legal, because it's so terribly ridiculous, but it is protected by our right to free speech. Just like anyone who does something this terrible (a man buying a prostitute, someone hurting the weak and helpless, etc.) and gets away with it, I have to remember that God sees everything. He is the one who will have the final judgment. It's not my battle. It's only God's.

Romans 12:19-21 NIV: Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

So Westboro Baptist- I hope you have a freakin' SPLENDID day and FINALLY realize that you're nuts and no better than the Pharisees who also didn't "get" Jesus. I pray that you wake up and realize how HATEFUL you are and far from the Lord. Have a great one! :)

That's my best attempt at showing them love. Deal with it.

Intentional Juxtaposition

Some of you might thing that the name and décor of my blog are perpendicular to the content of the majority of the posts. I don’t see these details as being incongruous because the general nature of my posts. They are sad, depressing, horrible, and can leave you feeling hopeless sometimes. My intent of keeping the colors bright and the title bubbly is to offset this darkness with some level of blind happiness. It’s not my intention to bring you down and keep you down. It’s to bring you to the level of evil that exists and is accepted in this world, look it in it’s sordid troll-like face, and remember that there is HOPE in this world.



I would like to write about hope at the moment. If everything were as it’s supposed to be, there would be no discrepancy and evil on the earth. What would people have to hope for if every need was already provided and present? Because evil exists, hope does too. I find Joy in this thought. You can find hope is the craziest of places:

• In the middle of a war when your next breath isn’t certain
• In the dark hotel room where a young girl is held captive for her pimp’s profit
• In an impoverished family struck with HIV/AIDS

All these scenarios have one thing in common: you hope to never be living it. True, people don’t HOPE for terrible things to happen to them or their loved ones (or anyone else rather), but the mater-of-fact is that they DO happen. The fact that they DO happen allows for something magical to occur: HOPE! The soldier fighting for his/her country hopes to be one day reunited with the family and friends they love. This hope fuels their fire to press on. The girl who is stuck in the hotel room may not know there is hope, but the fact that more people know about human trafficking today than 10 years ago lends itself to one day restore this girl’s hope. She may hope for rescue, but chances are, she has shut herself off completely and no longer feels as a human being should. We have the ability to hope FOR her. We can HOPE for her RESCUE and RESTORATION. Either way you slice it, the situation isn’t without hope. Lastly, the impoverished family stuck with an incurable, life threatening disease may not seem like the most hope-filled situation, but there are doctors and aid workers laboring everyday to find a cure and provide anti-viral medicine to those affected with HIV/AIDS. I hope for a better future.

In the times when it’s the most difficult to find good, HOPE!



So I know that my happy colors, silly title, and picture of a puppy are pretty surface level and doesn’t probably make you hope for better than what is current, but it’s an attempt. It’s my HOPE that you feel a CALL TO ACTION instead of getting down in the dumps and defeated by evil. If I have to keep the happy colors, silly title, and the Daily Puppy to remind you there is good in this world, then I’ll do just that. It’s not my severe ADD, it’s my HOPE for you as a reader.

And now, my cute puppy:

How could that keep you from hope?