The One Month Mark

I have been in Pattaya for one month. Four weeks ago, I got of the plane in Bangkok after over 24 hours of travel. I had just moved out of my apartment, distributed my things, said goodbye to my family and friends, and left the love of my life: My puppy dog Raleigh. I knew that I was supposed to come and that it was a giant leap of faith to get on that plane in Seattle. It didn't make it any less shocking, though. I've stepped foot into the Bangkok airport many times before, but this was my first time being completely alone (and with too many bags). There I was, about to step into this new adventure complete with it's ups and downs.

As expected, I've experienced a wide range of emotions since being here. I've been overwhelmed with excitement, homesick, sad, happy, doubtful, and proud. I have really good days and I have really bad days. There are days where I feel like I am right where I'm supposed to be and other days where I feel like it's impossible to get anything right. I am a loud woman with a huge personality, so that must often be suppressed in this very polite and quite country. Pattaya, however, offers a lot of grace due to the enormous volume of "farangs" (foreigners) here who are, well, even less aware than I am. The good news is that the food here is fantastic and fairly inexpensive. There is always that to count on.

It is often uncomfortably warm and I'm constantly reminded that I am a foreigner and will never be a native. This is difficult for me, because even in America, I feel like a foreigner. I never really feel like I fit into a particular geographical culture. I am German by blood, Californian by upbringing, Mexican by proximity (and food), Italian by extended family, Seattleite by the Lord's calling, and most importantly daddy's little girl to the God who created the universe. Where do I belong? The feeling of being the black sheep or even the ugly duckling comes up sometimes, but I remind myself that when you are following God's call, you shouldn't fit in with "the world".  Also, a wise woman once told me; "When you're dead you should stink. You're either dead to the world and alive in Christ or dead in spirit and alive in the world. Nowhere in the middle, but either way you will stink."  I guess this is all about my journey of learning my way as this "foreigner of the world". I used to think of myself as a citizen of the world (due to my trans-global travels), but since being here, I feel more like a foreigner than a citizen. Or maybe I'll feel this way until one day I find my place: my citio. I don't know, but I'll probably know if I get there. Until that happens, I'll be enjoying the ride. :)

One month down, unknown amount of months to go :)